Appalachian Trail Trash 2008, Part II

ALOHA! Feast your eyes on these megabytes of infotainment:

One night I camped with an easygoing hiker named ‘SLIGHTLY’. The next morning, we came upon some trail magic in the form of a large canopy full of boisterous hikers, the mouth-watering aroma of chili cooking, and the sight of a washtub of cold beer. ‘SLIGHTLY’ immediately drops his pack and declares, “That’s it, I’m done for the day” and proceeds to make himself at home. After a few breakfast beers and a bowl of chili, I waved goodbye to my new friend as he sat hunkered down in a lawn chair. Turns out he was only ‘slightly’ interested in hiking.

‘SKYSURFER’, named for his love of hang gliding, decided at Harper’s Ferry he’d had enough of his feet on the ground and left the trail to head back to the skies.

Trail angel Stuttering Ron handed me an apple with one hand and a religious comic book about Adam & Eve & forbidden fruit with the other. I don’t think he saw the irony.

There was a strange little man I call the Virginia Creeper. When I came upon him, he was standing in the middle of the trail with his eyes closed waving his arms about wildly. He confided to me he knew every detail of each hiker’s on-line trail journal and he was waiting to stalk, I mean talk to them.

Trail groupie Wendy Wannabe looked like she stepped out of an L.L.Bean catalogue. On weekends, she drives up from Philly to stay at the hiker’s hostel at Pine Grove Furnace. She explained she really wanted to hike today but she wasn’t sure she had all the right gear and besides, tomorrow was supposed to be a nicer day.

For the last few days I have been traveling with a hiker named ‘ABOMAN’. He is a sophisticated southern gentleman who likes his Kentucky Bourbon in the evening. He told me a story of the time he spent the night in a motel in Pearisburg, VA. While he was packing his gear to leave in the morning, he discovered his wallet was missing. He searched frantically, turning his pack inside out. He even walked the streets in town where he had been the night before–nothing. He finally found it; but you will not believe where it was hiding. IT WAS IN HIS SHOE THE WHOLE TIME. His feet were so hammered he could not feel the big lump in there!

I’ve had my 16th bear sighting. While on the subject of bare, June 21st was Hike Naked Day. To answer the question lurking in your mind, my new trail name is … A Swing Lo Hawk.

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