How to score on the trail

While hiking the Appalachian Trail in 2008, I met a fellow hiker with the trailname “The Burnt Herbivore”. TB Herb’s two greatest pleasures were hiking and marijuana; he would start each day with a ‘wake & bake’ ritual before hitting the trail.

One day I asked him where his weed came from. This is what he told me:

Herbi was strolling through downtown Waynesboro, VA on a Saturday afternoon looking for a place to eat. He sees a small BBQ joint, tables covered in butcher paper, the inviting aroma of slow-cooked protein permeating the streets.

As he was ingesting his tasty, sauce-covered rack of pork ribs, he noticed a tattoo parlor next door. Herbi loved tattoos and decided to stop by the shop after he’d finished his peach cobbler a la mode.

Approaching the neon lit shop, he spied a tatter of ink-stained ruffians smoking cigs outside the entrance. He boldly shuffled up and began chitchatting with the local fringe element.

He needled his way in with a flash of his own body art. All jovially loitered until the shop closed and someone suggested a ride to the no outlet smokeout lot.

Herbi had the car howling with true stories of appalachian nomads. By the hazy end of the evening, he had an appointment the next day to hook up with a facillitating arbiter of herbal medicine.

At the illicit rendez-vous, Herbi was transported to a bucolic house in a suburban neighborhood. Three strangers united for sabbath commerce; they adjourned to the den for underground communion.

The host proudly packed his ornamental group delivery device to capacity levels. Their admiration acknowledged, a deal was struck with a flame of consent.

Further North, B Herb was sitting at a picnic table outside of a grocery store in Hanover, NH. Three young dudes came over with their sugar treats and chemical sodas.

They were a local band about to go to rehearsal. They were fascinated by real live hiker trash attitude.

B Herb’s next stop would be the daunting White Mtns; he was determined to make this a scoring opportunity: Can I ask a bold question?

The leader assures him he can set it up right now. They wander off to a corner, they exchange good tidings. B Herb salutes his new mates with a shout, Happy Trails!

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