My Fantasy Character

During the euphoric days of the dot com boom of the 90s, I was exploring the grundgy fringes of humanity in Seattle. From a personal ad in the weekly alternative newspaper, I became acquainted with a motley group of intellectually stunted young men who gathered on the weekends to smoke massive amounts of pot and pretend to be wizards and elves while playing the fantasy game Dungeons & Dragons.

One winter I was invited to join the group in their latest quest. I immersed myself into their world for ten consecutive Saturdays of 5 to 6 hour sessions. As the game progressed, my character became increasingly obnoxious. Finally, the group had enough of my violent antics and they conspired to chop off my character’s head. Thus ended my antisocial experiment.

Dungeons & Dragons Player Character Record

Player’s Name:  SERADD the Impaler    

Character: Outcast Mountain Dwarf

Class: Fighter   Level: 4   Status: Rebel Youth

Sex: M   Age: 50   Religion: Pagan

Ht: 46 in   Wt: 142 lbs   Clan: Barbarian

Weapons:   Head Spike, elbow spike, knee spike, glove nail, battle axe, club   Armor:   Chain Mail  

Primary fighting strategy: Charging head butt to opponent’s groin

Proficiencies: Blindfighting, Butchering, Basic woodlore, Hunting, Tracking, Direction sense, Rope use

Experience Points: 9845   Spells: None

Copper coins: 1332   Silver coins: 3   Gold coins: 4282   Gems: 0

Travel Companions: SLASH (male half elf fighter); SAMAREE (female human amazon fighter); BEORN (male human cleric); ZORBO (male elf wizard); LARKIN (male elf thief); MYSTICA (female elf amazon); SHOTOKAHN (male human monk)

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